Mysterious Distance

For many years now it has been my practice to get up early in the morning and go walking, listening as I walk to sermons, theological lectures, and the like. As we entered this fall, I was feeling just a little blah about this all, and thinking maybe a change was in order. The experience of a two hour silent prayer walk at the retreat in September was exhilarating, and so when my current audio selections were finished I started just walking — trying just to be quiet and listen to God.

However, that hasn't really played out as I expected — instead of God, my attention seems to be drawn to things of human construction. Certainly, human constructions are all around me as I walk, but it's also the societal human constructions that fill my attention — issues like church and chuch leadership, systemic problems with pension plans, and on and on. So last week, I placed an order for some more audio lectures, and am looking forward to getting back to my old discipline.

This morning for some reason, I woke up with U2's Vertigo running through my head, so I decided to dust off my CD player and pop in How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb. It was an energizing experience. Most directly, the energy of the music seemed to translate into walking energy, making my pace brisker than usual of late — a good thing for my health. But it was also energizing in a personal sense. The lyrics of these songs have something of a sparse and ambiguous nature to them — is not quite clear on the surface what's going on, but it always seems deeper than what you've just picked up. The exercise of listening and reflecting and wondering seemed to put me deeper into that Mysterious Distance between a man and his God — and that's a good place to be.

Curiously, I was just speaking about something similar at drama practice last night, about needing to keep things a bit less obvious, a bit more subtle, so that they can slide in slant past the armour people normally erect against many things spiritual.

I'm wondering if, perhaps, in our efforts to explain and make clear the things of God we haven't done those who hear us a dis-service — if by connecting all the dots for them we've left them with nothing to ponder, nothing to wonder at, no way to enter into that Mysterious Distance — to say nothing of how small we've ended up making God by always speaking as if everything were sorted out neatly and understandable.

ALl I know for sure is that I need more Mystery in my life.