Free to Stay?

Ignatius of Loyola is said to have advised that one cannot discern the voice of God while in a state of desolation, only in a state of consolation. For me, that has meant that I am not free to leave until I am free to stay. Those who leave a church because they are not free to stay always seem to encounter the same troubles again later. It's as if the issue simply follows them around.

I've spent much of the last few years attempting to live out of a space of being free to stay. Through that I've concluded that there are a couple things that being free to stay is not.

Being free to stay is not a shortcut to being allowed to leave. I cannot take the approach that once I think I'm free to stay, that I will then automatically be able to leave. God will not be manipulated that way. Being free to stay must really be being free to stay.

Being free to stay is also not a guarantee that God will fix all the problems at the church to my liking. Being free to stay means being free to stay in the church as it is, not as I wish it would change into. It's not saying, "Okay, I'll give this place another x months or y years, and it better be fixed then."

Finally, being free to stay is not about finding staying put an easy and carefree task. The question is only being considered because staying hasn't been easy. And staying may well never be easy.

Being free to stay means being ready and willing to accept God's call to stay in the current environment, knowing full well all its real problems and strengths, even if God decides to let it stay that way for as long as I am here. Once I can be in this space, only then am I truly ready to hear God's direction as to whether to stay or whether to go.